THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CONFIDENT
by Bob Fraser
If you’ve spent ANY time waiting to audition, with dozens of other actors going in before you, you know what it is to feel the ebb and flow of that crucial feeling of confidence.
I’m sure you know that confidence is the actor’s special need. We all know, almost as if by osmosis, that confidence is the key to everything. Confident actors win auditions.
Confidence is coin of the realm in show business.
We know it.
Our problem is that no one is explaining how we can become confident. Sure, we’ve heard all the stories – Lincoln lost every election, Edison tried over a thousand times to invent the light bulb, Harrison Ford struggled for over a decade — yeah, yeah, we know. We get it.
Persistence.
But, the thing those stories don’t tell us is… HOW?
How did Lincoln, Edison and Ford face all that failure and remain confident? Did Lincoln stand in front of a mirror chanting that he was worthy while people told him to go
back to his log cabin.
Did Edison wear a t-shirt that said, “What I really want to do is invent?”
Did Ford recite life-affirming haikus every morning of the ten years he worked as a carpenter — and watched lesser actors rise to stardom?
We already know they DID it … we just don’t know HOW they did it.
HOW TO BECOME MORE CONFIDENT
How people become confident is left out of these darn stories. We actors already know that we should be confident people. But would someone please show us HOW to do that?
Well, as it happens someone has written a book that is a seminal work in this area. Her name is Rosabeth Moss Kanter, she’s a professor at Harvard Business School, and her book is called (cleverly enough) “Confidence
Professor Kanter has taken the time to investigate the “how” and written it down in a clear, straight-forward way.
She started by interviewing lots of athletes and business leaders and in the resulting study she has managed to organize and illustrate the behaviors, habits, attitudes, skills and core beliefs of highly confident people. (That highly confident people are highly successful is a given … again, we know it.)
The good news? Anyone can become confident. The bad news? It takes a lot of work.
Pick me up platitudes are fine, but the real work involved, in order to become confident, is what sets the pro apart from the ‘wannabe.’ Ms. Kanter’s premise has it that confidence is not simply a frame of mind or attitude but a collection of habits, characteristics and behaviors that set events in motion in one of two directions: winning and losing.
Winners act and react to their world in one way and losers in another. Most importantly she points out that there are concrete, identifiable, signposts along the way — signposts which determine what path you are on.
For instance:
Confidence that isn’t supported by hard work and realistic expectations is nothing but wishful thinking. Success comes with its own problems of sustaining and improving results. Confidence is complicated and cannot be taken for granted.
There are different kinds of confidence for different kinds of attainments.
And those are just a few of the important insights that are illustrated by real-world examples in this study.
In order to help as much as I can, in a short article, here’s a short list of habits I’ve paraphrased from the book. Habits that you will always see in confident (and therefore successful) — oh, let’s say ACTORS, for instance:
1. Confident pros are open to criticism or suggestions.
2. Confident pros are honest about their own abilities and limitations.
3. Confident pros seek the advice and input of others.
4. Confident pros learn from their mistakes.
5. Confident pros set realistic goals, and have realistic expectations.
6. Confident pros are willing to work hard to achieve their goals, and DO.
7. Confident pros take personal responsibility for their fate.
8. Confident pros embrace new challenges and take reasonable risks.
9. Confident pros replace bad habits with good habits
10. Confident pros EXPECT good things to happen.
OR …
The opposite side of the theatrical coin is the perennial wannabe. These are almost precisely wrong habits and behaviors:
1. Wannabe’s react defensively to criticism
2. Wannabe’s are not honest about their abilities or limitations.
3. Wannabe’s shun the advice or input of others.
4. Wannabe’s tend not to learn much from their mistakes.
5. Wannabe’s set unrealistic goals and have unrealistic expectations.
6. Wannabe’s use problems (it’s hard) as an excuse not to try.
7. Wannabe’s blame others for things that go wrong.
8. Wannabe’s avoid new challenges and want to play it safe.
9. Wannabe’s repeat self defeating habits over and over again.
10. Wannabe’s expect the worst and often get it.
If you are interested in learning about the “how” of confidence I recommend Ms. Kanter’s book unreservedly. This is a book every actor should read who wants good instruction on having confidence and keeping it.
One caveat: what might look easy to do, on the surface, is often the hardest thing to actually attain.
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