Derailing yourself

Here is an important moment that took place during the recent workshops I attended in New York City with Marice Tobias. It’s significance to me personally is considerable. Hopefully it will be valuable for you, too.

During the first round of performances I had fully intended to volunteer to go first, if for no other reason that to get my initial time of reading out of the way. However, because of where I was sitting in the room, no one could see when I would start to get up to go into the booth and someone else would end up ahead of me. This turned out to be a very good thing because as I was sitting there, I realized that I was filled with anxiety about wanting to do really well, to impress everyone there with my performance. As the same moment, I realized that I was about to derail myself, because the anxiety I was feeling was preventing me from being able to accomplish what I wanted.

So, I began to listen to the coaching that Marice was giving to each of my fellow students as they worked through their copy. Not with the intention of imitating that coaching, but in order to get a handle on how to internalize and make these coaching points my own. As I did this, I became very calm and peaceful. Then, there was a lull, so I was finally able to volunteer.

Then another blessing. As Roger, our engineer, was adjusting the microphone for me, someone asked Marice a question. I was able to listen to her response on the talk back system. The answer to that question led to a couple more and in all several minutes passed. This really was a blessing, though, because it helped keep my focus off of myself and to just concentrate on the conversation. So, when it was finally my turn to read, I just took a deep breath and read the copy. No nerves. No fear. Just a clean take in which I hit every point that I hoped to and none I didn’t. I realized afterward that I was able to just be in the moment, and thus not derail myself.

I hope that when find yourself filled with anxiety, hoping to really impress someone, that you’ll be able to find a few moments to get your focus off of yourself so that you too will be able to stay in the moment.